i stopped at a park and sat on a bench for 15min today and there were parents and little kids
they did a lot of awful things in that short time
like 6-8 different parents came by. there's like a daycare or something next to the park
i got there at 1pm
one thing i noticed is sometimes parents hold their kid's hand while walking
and i saw a kid trip a bit
and i realized holding hands wasn't affecting parent's balance or stride
but it WAS affecting the kid's
to have his hand held upward and immobile
and also to try to match parent's pace
and i thought parent contributed to the tripping
and prolly thinks kid needs hand held to yank him up to prevent falls
but i think parent causes more falls
another parent said kid could only go down slide once and then they had to go
so kid delayed. a lot. and banged on the slide. and sat on top.
and parent got impatient asked him to come again before he'd even gone down once. and parent gave the reason that his brother was in the car waiting.
which is so nasty to put the two siblings at odds against each other. to create a conflict btwn them, where the brother is the excuse for why he can't use the slide
and the amount of time before the left, i figure the kid could have gone down the slide 5 times if he was reasonably quick
but the parent told him once, so he did it really slow
if the parent had said "you can slide 3 times if you are quick"
they might have left faster and with a happier kid
it's so wasteful to drag it out enough time for 5 slides, with parent resenting it, and kid resenting only getting to slide once. so inefficient.
there were 3 trikes someone had left at the park. it's in a good neighborhood, small park, bit isolated, low theft risk.
a mom praised the hell out of a dad who she found out was the owner
she gushed about how big a difference the trikes made. later she said she had one on her porch she never remembers to bring.
it was very like boring smalltalk, very low content, very gushy and exaggerated
but also note the trikes are a big deal for the kids – that she'll gush about – and she just keeps forgetting to bring one she already has. that's how much she actually cares about about kids. not enough to make the effort to remember.
and she said something about 3 trikes being a good number. i was thinking if it was only one then some parents would prefer zero trikes instead of one to avoid kids fighting over it. they'd rather have no resources so kids don't expect anything than some resources kids really want and have to deal with resource allocation. (and these people have plenty of money and other resources to provide plenty for the kids. they all present as being well off financially and it's not a neighborhood for poor people. they just, in various ways, choose not to provide their kids with resources.)
then later i saw a little girl, like 3, was on a small plastic trike. and her mom tried to help her peddle but it wasn't working. she pushed along with her feet on the ground. the mother just gave up and ignored it. she was obviously way too big for it. her knees were bent heavily for her to sit on it.
while the mother was standing 2 feet away but ignoring her, the girl, on her own, noticed the 3 trikes the other guy had left at the park. they were metal and larger. they fit her better. she went to one. the mother followed.
and then she put her doll in the seat and then realized it blocked her from sitting on it herself, and tried to figure out what to do
sigh. and the mother was not helping or offering to hold the doll or suggesting how to handle it
and the gender roles. none of the guys had this problem. they would play. the girl is taught priorities that get in her way.
the girl is taught to treat a doll like it's special and important and fragile
which is inconvenient
so she manages to get on the trike and hold the doll in her lap. and her mom pushes it around for her some. it had a poll sticking up the back the mother could push. kid didn't figure out how to peddle and mom didn't even try to help with that this time.
with the first trike the mom was physically grabbing the kid's feet and putting them on the pedals
and then spun the pedals with her hands when kid had feet on ground like a demonstration
i think she was very bad at explaining it and was not a patient helper
anyway mom says something about time to go, pushes the trike onto the grass instead of stone, stops pushing it, leaves kid stuck and not moving, and stands there
i thought she did it on purpose to end the activity but later found out she didn't have much trouble pushing the trike on the grass, it still rolled fine
but kid had to wait a while. mom talked to someone else or looked at her phone or just stood there, idk, but kid wasn't moving for a minute
and for some reason mom got the doll
and dropped it into a little basket on the back of the trike that was like 2 inches above the ground
mom was unaware or uncaring that her daughter cared about the doll, and treated it very carefully
which i knew from watching her with the doll for 20 seconds a few minutes earlier
and then what next? mom just looks away or ignores kid, doesn't pay attention
and kid tries to reach back and arrange doll better in basket
and spends like 30s trying to get doll more comfortable and properly taken care of for the ride
and mom isn't helping or paying any attention or realizing she just fucking dropped the doll like 1 foot into the basket, carelessly, that kid is trying to treat like a fragile baby
then mom pushed her on the grass some more then made her leave
all the parents were pressuring their kids to leave and no one stayed for long
my friend commented, "Ppl think my sister is weird cuz she asks toddlers for permission to like pick them up"
it's so sad how the parents consistently aren't interested in helping their kid get plenty of trips down the slide, get his fill of the park.
and it's so sad how parents mostly just don't pay attention to what their kid is doing. they can't help much because they don't pay attention. they say "we're going soon" and then talk with another parent and look away and then a few minutes later say "we really gotta go now" without even checking or caring what their kid is in the middle of. they mostly don't play with their kids. they don't try to understand what their kids are thinking. they don't try to help with it. they just don't care or pay much attention.
the one mom did help push the trike. but she wasn't paying any attention to the great care and attentiveness with which her daughter treated her doll. and i'll bet the kid has been loving that doll for months and treating it much the same and mom just doesn't care or have any respect for her kid's wishes and goals. and she just stopped in the middle of pushing the trike for a while for no apparent reason and then kid was stuck sitting still for a while. and she's not a good enough helper to help her kid peddle a trike. and she doesn't care or have the patience to keep trying. she just grabbed her kid's feet, placed them, didn't seem aware the trike was way too small for the kid (knees super bent), and then promptly gave up. kid will have to learn how to use a trike later from some other kid who knows how to use one. or maybe figure it out herself if she gets the opportunity to spend more time with a trike instead of being made to leave. or maybe, being a female, she'll just go through life being bad at that kind of thing because if a girl apparently "doesn't like trikes" parents think that's normal and ok and ignore it instead of figuring there's a problem to help with. but if a boy isn't playing with trikes, a lot more parents would figure something is wrong and help him solve the problem instead of just thinking it's a matter of taste. stuff like that, which isn't very blatant, is how a lot of gender role stuff ends up happening.
my friend also commented:
and it's so sad how parents mostly just don't pay attention to what their kid is doing. they can't help much because they don't pay attention.
when ppl do try to “help”, they mostly just interrupt with their kid is doing
they aren’t paying attention to what the kid is trying to do
so they interrupt and are like “here, do this”
but that won’t even help with what the kid is trying to do
like, say kid is trying to make swing twist around
parent will kind of see what kid is doing, but will think they are just incompetent at swinging
so if they try to “help” it will be either by pushing kid on swing, or trying to make them pump their legs
or maybe they know kid is trying to twist swing around, but they just think that is the wrong way to use the swing. so they are trying to make him use it right
i think both things happen
i don't entirely get how people are so blind to this stuff. you watch anyone interest with kids for a few minutes and you see horrors. they consistently don't pay attention to what their children or doing or why. they consistently don't try to understand. they consistently suck at helping or explaining anything, or don't even try to.
and they try to control their kid and make him leave. with no idea what kid is doing, they have no idea how important staying more is. they don't care. they don't try to figure out if it's worth staying because kid is in the middle of something great. they just have a very limited amount of patience for kid to delay them and they don't care about the park.
some reason people are blind to these horrors:
- they don't think of children as people
- they see it all the time so it just looks normal to them
- they make excuses like parenting is tiring enough without actually paying attention to your kid and his activities and having to help
- they don't respect children "playing", don't regard it as important or having anything to do with learning or education
- they're not very nice to anyone in their lives, including themselves. this isn't all kid-specific
- they treat people by categories (e.g. "child") rather than worrying about specifics like what that individual child cares about
it's so fucking simple though. your kid treasures a doll. you don't just drop it. the parent is just doing generic actions without knowing about her kid as an individual.
if your kid wants to use a slide, that's great. he likes it. this thing exists, people built it, and then other people enjoy it. they didn't have to build it but they did. and here it is. and your kid didn't have to find things in life he likes but he did. liking things and thinking things are good is not automatic. people take it for granted but it's wonderful and takes some positive human spirit and thinking. and then people grow up and don't actually like much stuff, or feel much joy, or have many interests, and they wonder why their lives are so empty. it's because their parents crushed their interests young and had no respect for their joy and preferences.
then people cover up their empty adult lives with a bunch of lies and make excuses for their parents and then do it to their own kids. they pretend getting drunk and partying and having sex are interests, when they're really just doing it because they have no idea what to do with their lives and that's what society offers. some pretend their profession is an interest. some pretend to like video games but play "casually" – meaning without really thinking about it much, just to kill time like watching TV. (some people don't even want to watch TV at higher speeds because then they'd just need to watch more shows to take up the same time slots in their life. they don't actually care about what they watch, and aren't interested in seeing more, they are just killing time.)